Our move to a new school this year was not the result in the behavior of my child who has ADHD. It was actually due to an abusive teacher who preyed upon an innocent kindergarten class, in which my youngest daughter was a student. But that is a completely different story.
Our decision to move our youngest children to a new elementary school was a difficult one. There were worries on more levels that I can name. I was worried that the kids in my son's class may not have spent time with a child with ADHD. Would they think he was odd or that his behavior was different? But knowing that my son is a very outgoing and confident child helped ease my fears for him. He has always made friends wherever he went, never shying away from asking questions and cracking jokes.
The first day his reply to my ever-reoccurring question of, "How was your day?" was not the usual, "It was ok." He actually stated that he "felt like being quiet today." That comment made my heart hurt as I know he is typically the "class clown." But we'd try again the next day and it would take time, I told him.
Rejoice! He received an invitation for a play-date at a new friend's house the second week of school! I had spent time with his new friend while having lunch with him at school and could see they got along well. The new friend was a bit reserved, maybe their activity level could meet in the middle somewhere.
As of now, the third week of school is underway. I have checked with the teacher and she has assured me that all is well within the classroom. He is listening and taking directions well. She noted that he enjoys learning and is eager to help.
While watching a children's sitcom on television yesterday, a boy in the show was having trouble fitting in at his new school. His "nanny" gave him specific instructions as to how he should help himself. "Find someone that you admire and dress and act like him." Logan shook his head and said this was exactly wrong. "Just be yourself," he said. What wonderful simple advice from a young boy. Self-knowledge is one key towards the pursuit of happiness.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Two Years have Past
This morning as I was reviewing what I had written two years ago, I sit in shock that it has been two years. As all parents do, I ask myself where has this time gone? I've wanted to write to update and keep track of my son's ADHD progression, unable to take what is on my mind and put into words.
My feelings turn to both joy and sadness as I read the previous posts. I am remembering my cotton topped blue eyed boy tagging along behind me wherever I went, curling up on my lap to read books at bedtime (our limit was three or we would have never stopped), laughing and cracking jokes that he made up in his head. Where exactly has this child gone?
The past two years have brought many, many wonderful memories: travel, new hobbies, new friends and adventures galore. But they have also brought about countless hours of on-task reminders, patience waning, exasperation and again reminding.
His commitment to be by his mommy's side is gone, friends are most important now, which is a wonderful part of growth and maturity. But please, please remember to call me if you leave their house and head to another friend's. I worry when you are gone.
The desire to read is lagging, this requires a concentration capability that is not second nature. This saddens me, to know that you may never experience the adventures that books will take you on.
Your creativity is still alive, the stories you write and art you create at school are top notch! Please do not ever lose the desire to express yourself creatively. This could prove to be a good outlet in your future.
More is expected of a child as they mature, normal daily routines should be set by now. A 9 year old is capable of this and so much more. It seems the only thing I can continually count on is the love that I can offer him and that ADHD will rear its ugly head again.
My feelings turn to both joy and sadness as I read the previous posts. I am remembering my cotton topped blue eyed boy tagging along behind me wherever I went, curling up on my lap to read books at bedtime (our limit was three or we would have never stopped), laughing and cracking jokes that he made up in his head. Where exactly has this child gone?
The past two years have brought many, many wonderful memories: travel, new hobbies, new friends and adventures galore. But they have also brought about countless hours of on-task reminders, patience waning, exasperation and again reminding.
His commitment to be by his mommy's side is gone, friends are most important now, which is a wonderful part of growth and maturity. But please, please remember to call me if you leave their house and head to another friend's. I worry when you are gone.
The desire to read is lagging, this requires a concentration capability that is not second nature. This saddens me, to know that you may never experience the adventures that books will take you on.
Your creativity is still alive, the stories you write and art you create at school are top notch! Please do not ever lose the desire to express yourself creatively. This could prove to be a good outlet in your future.
More is expected of a child as they mature, normal daily routines should be set by now. A 9 year old is capable of this and so much more. It seems the only thing I can continually count on is the love that I can offer him and that ADHD will rear its ugly head again.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Getting to School on Time, with ADHD
The usual stress of the morning rush is expected during an average family’s weekday. The 8:00 hour looms heavily overhead. This everyday challenge increases significantly when dealing with a child who has ADHD.
It seems that no matter what time you wake your child up, there are far too many distractions standing in the way of getting out the door in a timely manner. The frustration mounts as each minute passes by. This occurrence almost becomes dreaded as the parent wakes up each morning knowing what battles lie ahead.
To help make the mornings easier, make it a rule to have the child bathe the night before. This will save a significant amount of time and headache to have this chore out of the way. The clothes should be laid out the night before: again, less distraction to help your child remain focused.
A healthy breakfast should always be fed. If your child is taking any type of medication for the treatment of ADHD, breakfast should come before the daily pill, as some of the medications’ side effects act as appetite suppressants.
Some parents swear by allowing the child to watch television in the morning, or to play video games, such as the Wii, in order to get the child’s mind moving and to help wake them up. This may not be a recommended idea as it may actually slow the child down in his morning. With his focus needed on getting dressed, the distraction may be too great. The arguments that may stem from such allowances will start the day off on the wrong foot for both you and your child.
A successful morning may call for your constant monitoring; helping your child to stay focused and avoid unnecessary distractions. Remember, it is far harder to be the child with ADHD than it is to be the parent without. The distractions of the morning should be limited. The expectations should be set. Take a deep breath, be realistic. Allow for a not-so perfect morning and help your child help himself have a successful day.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
An Epiphany is Needed
Eyes are open, wide open. We all know in our family what is going on. You must prepare yourself for the next occurrence, what the ADHD can sometimes bring into your family. Mental and emotional preparation is needed.
A week or so will go by, things will be status quo. The normal aggravations are there. The daily reminding, the morning routine taking up to two hours that you think in all fairness should take no more than thirty minutes. The occasional teacher telling you that multiple reminders were given to keep your child focused that day. You know it happens, but cringe when the teacher is looking at you, as you wish you could fix at least that one problem.
Problems will occur when a child suffers from ADHD, sometimes of great significance. When that "something" does happen, you lose it emotionally. You do, you are so upset you don’t know where to turn, what to say or what to do. If you turn your back on what happened and don’t address it, then it will happen again. But if you do confront the problem head on, the same way as you have before, you feel nothing will matter, nothing will change.
The ADHD can actually act as a hindrance to change. The new learning is sometimes impossible as the information is quick to be discarded by the brain. The thinking pattern stops and does not consider the consequences if the brain does not accept the new thinking. This is true.
Once in a while an epiphany is needed. As a parent, this is your responsibility to try things different, even if it is more energy than you can muster. You want to get through; you have to get through to the child. He is looking at you and listening, and you hope to God that he is learning.
Grab all the steadfastness that you can, figure out a new way to handle it.
Next time do it, handle it differently. Recall the moment you knew that an epiphany was necessary for things to be different. When the moment occurs again, when you feel you are about to explode into a million pieces, close your eyes and remember the new pattern that you have decided to try. Open your eyes, it’s time to execute.
A week or so will go by, things will be status quo. The normal aggravations are there. The daily reminding, the morning routine taking up to two hours that you think in all fairness should take no more than thirty minutes. The occasional teacher telling you that multiple reminders were given to keep your child focused that day. You know it happens, but cringe when the teacher is looking at you, as you wish you could fix at least that one problem.
Problems will occur when a child suffers from ADHD, sometimes of great significance. When that "something" does happen, you lose it emotionally. You do, you are so upset you don’t know where to turn, what to say or what to do. If you turn your back on what happened and don’t address it, then it will happen again. But if you do confront the problem head on, the same way as you have before, you feel nothing will matter, nothing will change.
The ADHD can actually act as a hindrance to change. The new learning is sometimes impossible as the information is quick to be discarded by the brain. The thinking pattern stops and does not consider the consequences if the brain does not accept the new thinking. This is true.
Once in a while an epiphany is needed. As a parent, this is your responsibility to try things different, even if it is more energy than you can muster. You want to get through; you have to get through to the child. He is looking at you and listening, and you hope to God that he is learning.
Grab all the steadfastness that you can, figure out a new way to handle it.
Next time do it, handle it differently. Recall the moment you knew that an epiphany was necessary for things to be different. When the moment occurs again, when you feel you are about to explode into a million pieces, close your eyes and remember the new pattern that you have decided to try. Open your eyes, it’s time to execute.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
"My Brain and My Bones Aren't Connected"
He was so smart, so very smart. Inquisitive, observational and persistent: three words that when you look them up in the dictionary you'd see his face. Not only family and friends said so, but the teachers at his school took notice.
He knew something was wrong. Certainly when a child gets told multiple times to do the same thing, by different people, the child knows something is not right. Well, not always. Some kids, I've seen, it doesn't seem to phase. But not him. He didn't want to get in trouble at school any more. He was tired of being constantly corrected. "Mom, my brain and my bones aren't connected," he would tell me at only six years old.
No, this wasn't an excuse. I knew these words were different. Believe me, I had heard a mirage of excuses come from his mouth, some so far fetched they were funny. But this was different. He was hurting. His head and his heart felt like they were being stomped on because he had so little control.
"How smart," I thought, for him to realize that his brain actually was not connecting to what his bones were doing. For a child to have the internal perspective to realize that things were not clicking the way they should, the ability to verbalize exactly what was going on in his body, at such a young age was quite impressive. But that was not enough for him to achieve self-control. He knew why, he just didn't know how to connect the two.
He wanted help, he wanted to do better, to not have people upset with him. But how? Being his mom it was my job to exhaust all efforts to find out how. We had to find the exact way for him to connect his brain and his bones. What a smart little boy.
He knew something was wrong. Certainly when a child gets told multiple times to do the same thing, by different people, the child knows something is not right. Well, not always. Some kids, I've seen, it doesn't seem to phase. But not him. He didn't want to get in trouble at school any more. He was tired of being constantly corrected. "Mom, my brain and my bones aren't connected," he would tell me at only six years old.
No, this wasn't an excuse. I knew these words were different. Believe me, I had heard a mirage of excuses come from his mouth, some so far fetched they were funny. But this was different. He was hurting. His head and his heart felt like they were being stomped on because he had so little control.
"How smart," I thought, for him to realize that his brain actually was not connecting to what his bones were doing. For a child to have the internal perspective to realize that things were not clicking the way they should, the ability to verbalize exactly what was going on in his body, at such a young age was quite impressive. But that was not enough for him to achieve self-control. He knew why, he just didn't know how to connect the two.
He wanted help, he wanted to do better, to not have people upset with him. But how? Being his mom it was my job to exhaust all efforts to find out how. We had to find the exact way for him to connect his brain and his bones. What a smart little boy.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Telltale Signs of ADHD, for Me
These signs were the beginning. Yes, the beginning of the end: the end to peace and the end to non-argumentative mornings. But more importantly, this was the beginning of a new understanding of how my son operates: why his behaviors and choices are different than others, the beginning of looking at him with a new set of eyes. These parental eyes cannot expect perfection. If perfection is what a parent of an ADHD child expects (or any parent for that matter) then more problems will only lie ahead.
"It's time to get ready for school," I say. Was he listening? Did he hear me? How about when I said it the second or third time? No, he's young and his attention span is immature still. I know he heard me, but why is he not doing what he is told? Now he is just making wrong choices and refusing to listen. Playing on the ground of the bathroom with cars is much more fun than brushing his teeth. Right?
"I continually have asked your son to sit in his seat and he will not do as he is told," his teacher tells me after school. This becomes a daily occurrence. "Your son got into a bit of a fight in the playground today," his teacher says sharply as she is apparently getting more aggravated with my child. The 3:00 hour rolls around, carpool time, and I pray every day for a good report. Worry is setting in on a daily basis.
Instructions were given by the coach on the field as to what the players should do. The coaches call "Foul!" and my child looks around continually, as if he doesn't know what happened. How can this be? Over and over again. Wasn't the game explained to him? Didn't he pay attention to what the coaches said?
Your heart hurts for your child. You want him to "get it." "Just please get it right this time son," you say to yourself every day. "Please realize how important it is to pay attention. Please know that your grades at school will suffer, your relationships will your friends will be more difficult. Please, just please, pay attention!" You say this again to yourself, you say it out loud. Nonetheless, it doesn't work. There are no improvements. Every day seems to be another day of constant battles. The battles are thrown on top of other battles, the hill seems insurmountable. You realize it might be time to talk to your doctor.
I was afraid at first. I was. I didn't want the outcome to be a positive diagnosis of ADHD. But it was, and now here we go. I quickly got my own prescription for a new set of Parental Eyes and a Bigger Heart.
"It's time to get ready for school," I say. Was he listening? Did he hear me? How about when I said it the second or third time? No, he's young and his attention span is immature still. I know he heard me, but why is he not doing what he is told? Now he is just making wrong choices and refusing to listen. Playing on the ground of the bathroom with cars is much more fun than brushing his teeth. Right?
"I continually have asked your son to sit in his seat and he will not do as he is told," his teacher tells me after school. This becomes a daily occurrence. "Your son got into a bit of a fight in the playground today," his teacher says sharply as she is apparently getting more aggravated with my child. The 3:00 hour rolls around, carpool time, and I pray every day for a good report. Worry is setting in on a daily basis.
Instructions were given by the coach on the field as to what the players should do. The coaches call "Foul!" and my child looks around continually, as if he doesn't know what happened. How can this be? Over and over again. Wasn't the game explained to him? Didn't he pay attention to what the coaches said?
Your heart hurts for your child. You want him to "get it." "Just please get it right this time son," you say to yourself every day. "Please realize how important it is to pay attention. Please know that your grades at school will suffer, your relationships will your friends will be more difficult. Please, just please, pay attention!" You say this again to yourself, you say it out loud. Nonetheless, it doesn't work. There are no improvements. Every day seems to be another day of constant battles. The battles are thrown on top of other battles, the hill seems insurmountable. You realize it might be time to talk to your doctor.
I was afraid at first. I was. I didn't want the outcome to be a positive diagnosis of ADHD. But it was, and now here we go. I quickly got my own prescription for a new set of Parental Eyes and a Bigger Heart.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The First Day: Blogging about ADHD
I want to reach out to all parents out there who have to negotiate their day around the trials of having a child with ADHD. This blog is not to cast stones, push blame or to ostracize the children who suffer with ADHD, especially my own child. This is a way for others to connect and share thier daily challenges with dealing with their children with ADHD.
I love my children. All of my chilren, no matter what. We all do. Parents love their kids. It's easy. Love comes naturally. Patience can be pushed, and sometimes we do not feel that we are being the best parents. Dealing with the daily challenges, knowing that the struggles will be back again the next day can be hard, especially for parents of children with ADHD.
When I first received the diagnosis that my son had ADHD, which I had already known, I wanted to run out and connect with others who are dealing with the same. I first looked at the local library for books and found basic information, and outdated information, all shedding light on the disorder. Some books even seemed to trivialize the daily challenges. I understand. They were written to make us all feel better and to appreciate the brain behind ADHD. That's not what I wanted to read, or needed.
I then searched for books to really help me at the local book store. Again, I found more of the same. Sure there are plenty of publications, that are recent, that describe tendencies and give suggestionson how to manage the problems that may stem from ADHD. Still, not what I was looking for.
I, like other parents I have talked to, want to talk about the nitty-gritty. The real struggles, the guilt, the pain and the strength needed to face each day and handle this disorder to the best of our ability. I want that, and frankly, I need that.
Please feel free to email me or post comments and questions. I will be happy to share with you honestly and answer with straight-forward answers. I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. This blog is based on one mom's experience in handling ADHD in both her son and her step-daughter. I do not want to upset anyone, nor sound like a horrible parent. Quite the opposite, I want to help others who feel like me and I want to be the best parent!
I look forward to creating a sharing environment to help myself and others: to have wonderful, and the least stressed as possible, relationships with our children.
I love my children. All of my chilren, no matter what. We all do. Parents love their kids. It's easy. Love comes naturally. Patience can be pushed, and sometimes we do not feel that we are being the best parents. Dealing with the daily challenges, knowing that the struggles will be back again the next day can be hard, especially for parents of children with ADHD.
When I first received the diagnosis that my son had ADHD, which I had already known, I wanted to run out and connect with others who are dealing with the same. I first looked at the local library for books and found basic information, and outdated information, all shedding light on the disorder. Some books even seemed to trivialize the daily challenges. I understand. They were written to make us all feel better and to appreciate the brain behind ADHD. That's not what I wanted to read, or needed.
I then searched for books to really help me at the local book store. Again, I found more of the same. Sure there are plenty of publications, that are recent, that describe tendencies and give suggestionson how to manage the problems that may stem from ADHD. Still, not what I was looking for.
I, like other parents I have talked to, want to talk about the nitty-gritty. The real struggles, the guilt, the pain and the strength needed to face each day and handle this disorder to the best of our ability. I want that, and frankly, I need that.
Please feel free to email me or post comments and questions. I will be happy to share with you honestly and answer with straight-forward answers. I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. This blog is based on one mom's experience in handling ADHD in both her son and her step-daughter. I do not want to upset anyone, nor sound like a horrible parent. Quite the opposite, I want to help others who feel like me and I want to be the best parent!
I look forward to creating a sharing environment to help myself and others: to have wonderful, and the least stressed as possible, relationships with our children.
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