"My Brain and My Bones Aren't Connected"

He was so smart, so very smart. Inquisitive, observational and persistent: three words that when you look them up in the dictionary you'd see his face. Not only family and friends said so, but the teachers at his school took notice.

He knew something was wrong. Certainly when a child gets told multiple times to do the same thing, by different people, the child knows something is not right. Well, not always. Some kids, I've seen, it doesn't seem to phase. But not him. He didn't want to get in trouble at school any more. He was tired of being constantly corrected. "Mom, my brain and my bones aren't connected," he would tell me at only six years old.

No, this wasn't an excuse. I knew these words were different. Believe me, I had heard a mirage of excuses come from his mouth, some so far fetched they were funny. But this was different. He was hurting. His head and his heart felt like they were being stomped on because he had so little control.

"How smart," I thought, for him to realize that his brain actually was not connecting to what his bones were doing. For a child to have the internal perspective to realize that things were not clicking the way they should, the ability to verbalize exactly what was going on in his body, at such a young age was quite impressive. But that was not enough for him to achieve self-control. He knew why, he just didn't know how to connect the two.

He wanted help, he wanted to do better, to not have people upset with him. But how? Being his mom it was my job to exhaust all efforts to find out how. We had to find the exact way for him to connect his brain and his bones. What a smart little boy.

Telltale Signs of ADHD, for Me

These signs were the beginning. Yes, the beginning of the end: the end to peace and the end to non-argumentative mornings. But more importantly, this was the beginning of a new understanding of how my son operates: why his behaviors and choices are different than others, the beginning of looking at him with a new set of eyes. These parental eyes cannot expect perfection. If perfection is what a parent of an ADHD child expects (or any parent for that matter) then more problems will only lie ahead.

"It's time to get ready for school," I say. Was he listening? Did he hear me? How about when I said it the second or third time? No, he's young and his attention span is immature still. I know he heard me, but why is he not doing what he is told? Now he is just making wrong choices and refusing to listen. Playing on the ground of the bathroom with cars is much more fun than brushing his teeth. Right?

"I continually have asked your son to sit in his seat and he will not do as he is told," his teacher tells me after school. This becomes a daily occurrence. "Your son got into a bit of a fight in the playground today," his teacher says sharply as she is apparently getting more aggravated with my child. The 3:00 hour rolls around, carpool time, and I pray every day for a good report. Worry is setting in on a daily basis.

Instructions were given by the coach on the field as to what the players should do. The coaches call "Foul!" and my child looks around continually, as if he doesn't know what happened. How can this be? Over and over again. Wasn't the game explained to him? Didn't he pay attention to what the coaches said?

Your heart hurts for your child. You want him to "get it." "Just please get it right this time son," you say to yourself every day. "Please realize how important it is to pay attention. Please know that your grades at school will suffer, your relationships will your friends will be more difficult. Please, just please, pay attention!" You say this again to yourself, you say it out loud. Nonetheless, it doesn't work. There are no improvements. Every day seems to be another day of constant battles. The battles are thrown on top of other battles, the hill seems insurmountable. You realize it might be time to talk to your doctor.

I was afraid at first. I was. I didn't want the outcome to be a positive diagnosis of ADHD. But it was, and now here we go. I quickly got my own prescription for a new set of Parental Eyes and a Bigger Heart.

The First Day: Blogging about ADHD

I want to reach out to all parents out there who have to negotiate their day around the trials of having a child with ADHD. This blog is not to cast stones, push blame or to ostracize the children who suffer with ADHD, especially my own child. This is a way for others to connect and share thier daily challenges with dealing with their children with ADHD.

I love my children. All of my chilren, no matter what. We all do. Parents love their kids. It's easy. Love comes naturally. Patience can be pushed, and sometimes we do not feel that we are being the best parents. Dealing with the daily challenges, knowing that the struggles will be back again the next day can be hard, especially for parents of children with ADHD.

When I first received the diagnosis that my son had ADHD, which I had already known, I wanted to run out and connect with others who are dealing with the same. I first looked at the local library for books and found basic information, and outdated information, all shedding light on the disorder. Some books even seemed to trivialize the daily challenges. I understand. They were written to make us all feel better and to appreciate the brain behind ADHD. That's not what I wanted to read, or needed.

I then searched for books to really help me at the local book store. Again, I found more of the same. Sure there are plenty of publications, that are recent, that describe tendencies and give suggestionson how to manage the problems that may stem from ADHD. Still, not what I was looking for.

I, like other parents I have talked to, want to talk about the nitty-gritty. The real struggles, the guilt, the pain and the strength needed to face each day and handle this disorder to the best of our ability. I want that, and frankly, I need that.

Please feel free to email me or post comments and questions. I will be happy to share with you honestly and answer with straight-forward answers. I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. This blog is based on one mom's experience in handling ADHD in both her son and her step-daughter. I do not want to upset anyone, nor sound like a horrible parent. Quite the opposite, I want to help others who feel like me and I want to be the best parent!

I look forward to creating a sharing environment to help myself and others: to have wonderful, and the least stressed as possible, relationships with our children.